When Uddhava went to Vrndavan he was so
charmed by seeing the Gopis' love, their devotion, their attraction,
and their affection for Krishna, that he said, "For life after
life, I only desire one thing: I want to become a speck of dust in Vrndavan.
Not only that, I want to be one of those who are worthy of receiving
that dust -- the plants and creepers of Vrndavan -- and live here for
all eternity. Here in the land of Vrndavan, Krishna has performed His
Pastimes, and His companions, the Gopis, also roam around here. If I
can be born as a small creeper so that I may get the dust of their lotus
feet on my head, that will be my highest fortune."
Such are the glories of Krishna, and the
intense feeling of separation from Him -- Vipralambha. Mahaprabhu has
shown us the highest limit of that Vipralambha in Sri Nilachala-Dham.
Sri Gadadhar Pandit, who kept Mahaprabhu
in the depths of his heart, and performed the supreme seva, also lived
there. Mahaprabhu took sannyasa and went to Jagannath Puri, and by His
desire Lord Gopinath became manifest. When you go to Puri you will all
see Lord Gopinath there. Both the feelings of Mahaprabhu and the feelings
of Gadadhar Pandit were described in a beautiful sloka by our Srila
nilambhodhi-tate sada sva-viraha-ksepanvitam bandhavam
srimad-bhagavati katha madiraya sanjivayan bhati yah
srimad-bhagavatam sada sva-nayanasru payanaih pujayan
gosvami-prabaro gadadhara-vibhur-bhuyat mad-eka-gatih
The lotus feet of Gadadhar Pandit are
our sole treasure. He resided by the ocean of Vipralambha which was
manifest by his life and soul, Lord Gauranga, who took everything from
Sri Sri Gaura Gadadhar,
worshipped since the time of Mahaprabhu at the Sri Sri
Gaura Gadadhar Mandir in Champahati, Sri Nabadwip Dham.
lotus feet of this Gadadhar Pandit are our ultimate destination.
Our worshipable Deities are Gaura-Gadadhar, and the supreme
demonstration of their Vipralambha was seen in Nilachala-Dham.'
Mahaprabhu was suffering separation from
Krishna, and His feelings of separation were so intense, that sometimes
His body became elongated, sometimes He retracted His limbs like a tortoise,
and sometimes His joints became separated.
So Mahaprabhu, Sri Krishna Himself, suffered
intense separation from Krishna, and He was enlivened by hearing topics
about Lord Krishna from Gadadhar Pandit. When a person is in intense
grief, what does he do? He becomes blinded by his grief, and he cannot
decide how he will find some peace, so he drinks alcohol. Sri Gadadhar
Pandit provided such intoxication for Mahaprabhu by enlivening Him with
the intoxicating topics of Srimad-Bhagavatam. This is how he served
the Lord of his heart.
And how were Gadadhar Pandit's own feelings
of separation? He is seeing that his beloved Lord is in front of him,
and his Lord is suffering so intensely that He is becoming unconscious
now and then. All the eight symptoms of separation can be seen in His
body, such as perspiring, trembling, tears, becoming stunned, changing
of bodily colour, etc., but there is nothing he can do about it. Lamenting
this, continuous floods of tears flowed from his eyes.
Whenever Gadadhar Pandit read the Bhagavatam,
he became so mad with feelings of separation from Krishna that his tears
would wash away the letters on the page. The proof of this is, when
Srinivasa Acharyya came to him to study Srimad-Bhagavatam, Gadadhar
Pandit told him,
"My dear son, when I was reading Bhagavatam to Mahaprabhu, all
the letters in my book were washed away, therefore I cannot now read
to you from this book. Please find a book somewhere. Mahaprabhu instructed
me in my dream, saying you were coming. But you need to have a book.
I have memorised everything, but you need a book also." Gadadhar
Pandit thus worshipped the Bhagavatam with his tears. Is it necessary
to have any ingredients to worship? One's own tears are the best ingredients.
The lotus feet of this Gadadhar Pandit
are our ultimate destination. Our worshipable Deities are Gaura-Gadadhar,
and the supreme demonstration of their Vipralambha was seen in Nilachala-Dham.